Meeting Families with Disabled Children Where They Are

As the need for disability accommodation grows in churches, the responsibility for education and awareness frequently falls to the children’s ministry team. Nursery workers and Sunday morning teachers become the first responders to a child’s unusual conduct or a parent’s disclosure that their child has a diagnosed disability. For the same reasons, the likelihood that families of disabled children will feel welcome and included in a church community often hinges on whether they feel supported by the children’s ministry team. Finding a church that will accept their child’s participation in church programming is often their first obstacle.

In addition to finding the children a place in the nursery community or programs for children, children’s ministry leaders also play a key role in weaving the entire family into the fabric of the congregation. Of course, children’s pastors and student ministry directors cannot take on the full responsibility of making the hope of integration a reality. However, they can be the family’s first means of networking inside the church.

It’s important to be mindful that connecting with other families can be challenging for the parents of disabled children. Support from a church “buddy” (volunteers) or mentor may be the primary connection between these families and the greater church community. As one children’s pastor explained, buddies are not responsible for meeting all of a family’s needs, but they understand that they are relied upon at times for communication on behalf of the family. Because they have a deeper connection and understanding of the whole family, these companions can often recommend ways the church can more successfully minister to disabled children and their families.

Making Connections throughout the Church

Another way that the children’s ministry team can support families with disabled children is by introducing them to other ministries throughout the church and appropriately (and with permission) relaying their stories to key staff and lay leaders. Due to sheer lack of time (if not emotional energy), parents of disabled children may struggle to develop their own relationships inside the church. And sometimes these parents are immersed so deeply in their child’s physical and emotional support needs that searching for friendship is secondary to the goal of surviving.

Many families that have both disabled and typically developing children are familiar with the challenge of balancing conflicting needs. Given this difficulty, it’s important that church leaders make a point of introducing these households to sensitive and welcoming families that include children in the typically developing siblings’ peer groups. This is vital to supporting their own social and intellectual growth, which is of equal importance to that of their disabled sibling.

Creating Support Structures

A number of larger progressive churches that are leading the way in terms of accessibility have begun assigning full-time or part-time associates to lead inclusive programming. They recognize the benefits of having a dedicated staff resource committed to understanding and effectively ministering to disabled individuals and their families.

In churches where a volunteer leader oversees such programming, it is crucial that a church staff member with a heart for the ministry assumes the role of on-staff ministry liaison. Program volunteers are rarely privy to the weekly meetings and networking opportunities of church staff. The on-staff liaison may help facilitate the broader church experience for families of disabled children. Oftentimes such inclusion requires on-staff networkers who can make introductions, sharing a family’s story and connecting them to the church’s other ministries in ways that open doors to deeper participation and community.

Amy Fenton Lee writes to equip churches for successful special needs inclusion.  Amy administers The Inclusive Church Blog.

Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on December 8, 2010. It has been revised and updated on December 4 – 5, 2023 to correct grammatical and punctuation errors and to use the most widely preferred and non-stigmatizing language for disabilities to date in keeping with our style guide for discussing disability and related topics. Some recommendations may also have been modified in keeping with best practices for accessibility and inclusion.