Roots & Wings: Intergenerational Formation Collaborative (R&W) is a grant focused on empowering congregations to practice vibrant intergenerational liturgy, especially in Episcopal contexts. Our grant team defines intergenerational liturgy as liturgy that seeks to intentionally engage and equally value the gifts and needs of two or more generations (or every generation present). You can read more in our article “What Is Intergenerational Worship?” This article series, “Roots & Wings FAQ,” offers responses to frequently asked questions about intergenerational liturgy.

The Longing for Young Families

According to Pew Research Center, 54% of 30- to 49-year-olds identified as Christians in 2023–2024, down from 78% in 2007. And the percentage of 18- to 29-year-olds who identify as Christian is even lower. This large-scale trend is evident in the pews of many congregations on Sunday mornings. For example, analysis of 2024 Parochial Report Data from the Episcopal Church found “the median average age [of members] is 60 years old.” Some congregations across mainline Protestantism are growing and skew much younger, but it is also true that many congregations are burying more members than they are baptizing these days.

Many long-time church members remember the Easter egg hunts with dozens of children and full Sunday School classes of 20 years ago. Of course they are asking, “How do we get more young families to join our church?”

I don’t believe there is a singular, clear answer for this question, a “quick fix” or a silver bullet. But I can share how I would respond to this question (given some prep time!).

Responding to “How Can We Attract More Young Families?”

Celebration & Acknowledgment

Age diversity is a gift. I would start by celebrating the desire for a more age-diverse worshiping community and acknowledging the longing to have more children and youth in the pews.

I also want to acknowledge that for those of us who are active church members and identify as a young family, this question can be frustrating. We may feel overlooked (“Hey! What am I, chopped liver?”). I don’t want to minimize that frustration. It is real. Sometimes it feels like older generations want young families to make the effort to come to church, but they are not willing to change anything to make that more likely.

While this frustration is valid, I have not found speaking from frustration to be effective. I have found it more helpful to build common ground for digging deeper by celebrating the desire for age diversity and acknowledging the longing beneath the question.

Different Questions

“How do we get more young families to join our church?” is a question with no easy answer. So, maybe we need some different questions.

For example, the Honest Conversations report from CoGenerate suggests, “Rather than asking, ‘How do we invite people in?’ [ask], ‘How do we make ourselves useful?’” We might also ask, “What would it look like to meet children, youth, and caregivers where they are?” or “What gifts do we have to offer young families?” Instead of focusing inward on the longing for pews filled with all ages, maybe the place to start is turning outward with the question: “What are you longing for?”

“Come up with some different questions” may sound simple, but in reality it asks congregations to do the hard work of shifting away from the framework of asking young families to come to church in order to help perpetuate the current structure. It invites a reimagining of the way the church functions. For example, often we imagine church as a hub or the center of a wheel with people, partners, and ministries moving away from the middle like spokes. In this framework, the physical church is central. What if, instead, God was the central hub? Or a household was the hub and the spokes were ways of surrounding the household with support?

There is nothing simple about shifting away from the idea that ministry with children, youth, and families happens when they show up to the church building to be part of what’s already happening. And not all congregations will be willing or able to do that work.

Structured Listening

I wonder what would happen if a congregation created a “listening plan” in which every member was invited to reach out to someone younger with whom they had an established relationship to ask about their interests, passions, values, and spiritual life.

What patterns might emerge? What new questions might surface? What ideas might bubble up?

Discernment

In her book, “How to Lead When You Don’t Know Where You’re Going,” Susan Beaumont writes, “I have never seen a church grow simply because members wished for growth . . . I have only seen churches actually grow in response to the pursuit of authentic ministry that served a contextual need” (129–130).

After listening to young people and caregivers without a preconceived agenda, a congregation would be perfectly positioned to discern what authentic gift(s) their specific congregation might be called to offer in their particular community.

“The Church” Is Not Obsolete

“The Book of Common Prayer” describes the church as “the community of the New Covenant” (854) and its mission as “to restore all people to unity with God and each other in Christ” (855). There is nothing obsolete about this vision. In fact, most young families I know are desparately longing for community and restoration. They are, however, skeptical of institutions and of communities where they are not offered a seat at the table to help shape the common life of the group.

My colleague the Rev. Martin Elfert recently shared this joke in the Roots & Wings monthly newsletter about a parish looking to call a new priest: “The parish writes up their profile (i.e., the church equivalent of what an individual might write in a resume or on an online dating site). The profile says, we’re looking for a priest who will do two things: Grow the church. And change nothing.”

I don’t believe there is a singular, clear answer, “quick fix,” or silver bullet for the question “How can we attract more young families?” But I do believe congregations that desire to attract young folks while changing nothing of substance are far less likely to be successful than congregations willing to do the tough work of asking different questions, listening well, and discerning what authentic gifts they are called to offer in their particular context.

One last bit of good news: Churches who currently have no children and youth members can still practice intentional intergenerationality. An intergenerational environment intentionally brings two or more generations together “in order to live out being the body of Christ to each other and the greater community” (“All Ages Becoming,” 58). So, if you have two or more adult generations present, you can be an intergenerational church!

Featured image is by Sofia Mvila on Unsplash