On the eve of April 23, 2024, the long-awaited beginning of the General Conference that had been postponed from 2020, United Methodists around the world turned their eyes to Charlotte, North Carolina and held their breaths in anticipation of what might come of this international gathering of our denomination’s legislative body. I, on the other hand, an ordained queer clergyperson in the denomination, turned my eyes, heart, and mind away from Charlotte in anticipation of yet another heated battle over my sacred worth and the legitimacy of my call to ministry within the denomination.

This was to be the first meeting of our legislative body since the queer community within our denomination received the devastating blow that came with the adoption of the Traditional Plan at the Special Session of General Conference in 2019. The plan solidified the harmful language already contained within our governing documents, The Book of Discipline, and created a path for churches to graciously depart from the denomination. Despite the mass exodus of traditional churches that ironically followed, I feared that this General Conference would be no different. I looked away to avoid the rending of my heart that accompanies those moments when I witness people in the denomination I love treat one another with contempt rather than love.

Blessedly, this time was different, though! I was unable to turn away for long as the United Methodist Church yet again began making the national news headlines. This time those headlines were celebrating that we had at last prevailed in our efforts to restore and affirm the sacred worth of all people within the denomination.

On May 1, the roughly 765 delegates, comprised of clergy and laity, who gathered in Charlotte voted to remove the ban on queer clergy in the UMC. The following day, on May 2, they voted to remove language declaring homosexuality incompatible with Christian teaching. These decisions, as well as a slew of others, meant that I was no longer deemed incompatible and that people like me were free to pursue ordination in the UMC. A historic shift was taking place, right before my eyes—one I doubted I would ever see.

While many celebrated, I found myself feeling conflicted. I was overjoyed, but I was also sitting with the reality that very little was going to change for me on the ground. I had been privileged enough to serve under leadership in the Michigan Conference who not only supported me but affirmed me in my call from the moment I declared my call openly nearly 14 years ago. I was also privileged enough to spend the past four years serving in a congregation who welcomed me and celebrated me in all my uniqueness.

In the moments immediately following the decisions of General Conference, I understood that this would drastically shift the future landscape of the United Methodist Church, but it also felt like it was all too little and too late. These decisions would not right the long list of wrongs that this denomination I love has wrought since 1972 when its harmful language was first included in The Book of Discipline. Nor would it miraculously heal the wounds of those turned away from the church, denied ordination, or stripped of their clergy credentials because of their prophetic witness. The stains of these actions and this language still stand as a blemish on the character of our denomination.

These and so many more emotions swirled in my heart until I approached the communion table on Sunday, May 5. In that moment, everything changed. After nearly seven years of service and administration of the sacraments in the United Methodist Church, this Sunday was different. For the first time in all those years, I approached Christ’s table and spoke the words of institution before a table and a church that was truly open to me.

In true Wesleyan fashion, the gravity of these decisions settled upon me when I experienced their transformative power in my heart. For me, that moment came as I stood before the communion table and Christ warmed my heart with the revelation that the institutional nature of this table was finally and truly open to me and others like me.

Moving forward, it is my hope that I will be privileged to witness the continued transformation of the United Methodist Church into a church that truly embraces its mantra: “open hearts, open minds, open doors.” I hope for the future of this denomination I love, a denomination that has raised me up in my call to ministry and invited me to its table, that we will grow in love and grace so that one day the world might truly “know we are Christians by our love,” as the popular hymn by Peter Scholtes proclaims. It is my hope that we can begin anew the work of reconciliation within our denomination, guarding each one’s dignity, for all are created in the image of God.

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